


Paladin's Day Out

by boredom



Series: BWNSG [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol, Bar fights, Developing Friendships, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Multi, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Team Bonding, sugar rush - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 09:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16473353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredom/pseuds/boredom
Summary: A trip to the space mall spells disaster for Thace and a good time for everyone else.





	Paladin's Day Out

**Author's Note:**

> So this went from humor to angst to borderline porn... something I had not counted on at all.

Everyone had a small case of cabin fever on the ship. Despite it being very large with a good amount of things to do (there was the library, Pidge’s pirated movies, and Thace’s training), the Voltron Coalition was starting to get a bit… bored. 

Someone had the bright idea to go to the space mall. They could pick up some new games, some supplies, and even visit the Earth store to see if they had anything to ease their homesickness. It was the perfect plan.

“No.” Thace said as Pidge spared with him. 

Lance glared. “We weren’t asking for your permission. Why do you care if we go to the space mall or not?” 

“I care because the Space Mall is in Galra controlled space. Also, I do get a say in what you do and do not do because it is my job to keep everyone on this ship alive.” 

“Isn’t saying that it’s in Galra controlled space a bit of a redundant statement?” Keith asked. “I mean, isn’t the entire universe under Garla control?” 

“Earth isn’t.” Hunk pointed out. 

“Regardless, you’re not going. It’s too dangerous.”

“How are you still fighting me when you’re distracted by them?” Pidge cried, still not landing a hit. 

Thace swept her feet out from underneath her. “Because I’ve been training longer than Shiro’s been alive, menace.” 

“Oh let the kids have fun,” Ulaz said. “Besides, as far as Galra controlled areas go, I doubt one, lone overweight mall cop is really a danger to anyone here.”

“You’re not going to convince me to go.” Thace growled, motioning for Keith to stand up so they could spar. 

“Come on, Thace, we’ve been cooped up in here for weeks.” Hunk said. 

“I took you to Losto Choco three quintants ago. And yesterday we went on that hike on Goliga’s second moon.” 

“That’s work related,” Shiro said. “Except for Losto Choco. This is fun related.” 

“Yeah, besides, now that we have Keith and Shiro with us, they can help figure out what we should get,” Lance pointed out. 

“And we do need some more supplies. The teladuv lenses we have are looking a little worse for wear,” Coran added. 

Thace pinned Keith to the ground. “No. It’s too dangerous. I’ll contact the Blade and have someone pick up the teladuv lenses.” 

Everyone groaned. As Keith walked off the deck, Ulaz took his chance to hurry over to Thace. The Paladins all watched as he started whispering something in his ear. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Laz.” 

“Why would you say that I couldn’t keep this promise?” 

“Because you never have before. Besides, your word doesn’t mean much considering there aren’t any Galra commanders around for you to set on fire, ergo, you promising not to set any commanders on fire doesn’t mean much.” 

Ulaz pouted and crossed his arm. He then sighed and whispered something more in Thace’s ears. 

Given Thace’s relatively dark complexion, it was difficult to imagine him as being anything other than a deep purple. However, the rate at which his face went from normal purple to red was rather astonishing. The paladins all looked away, with Hunk whistling and Lance scratching the back of his head, each trying not to think too much about what Ulaz was telling him. 

“Alright, alright!” Thace waved him away. “We’ll go to the space mall.”

Everyone cheered. 

“But only to get the lenses.” He started pacing in front of them. “There will be strict rules when we go there and I expect you all to act with the dignity and self-control of an actual soldier.”

The mood soured again. 

“Leave it to Captain No Fun to make a field trip suck,” Lance whispered. 

“Lance, if you have something to say, maybe you don’t want to go to the Space Mall.” Thace glared at him. 

Lance crossed his arms and stared at the ground. 

“Now, the going rate for Teladuv lenses is a bit hard to pin down because they are considered an antique item and most dealers don’t know what they are to begin with. I’ll give you each 100 GAC and we will separate the mall into nine sections--”

“Better make that eight sections,” Allura said. “I think it would be best if someone were to stay here with the Castle. That someone being me.” 

Thace smiled. “Oh, good point Princess. I’m glad you’re thinking about this strategically.”

“What, you’re not going?” Pidge asked. 

“I was going to go, because it sounded like fun. Then Thace started talking, and, well, it no longer sounds like fun. I’d rather play charades with the space mice.” 

“So, wait, we can get out of going if we offer to guard the castle?” Keith asked. “Maybe I should stay behind as well, just in case.”

“Yeah, best count me in,” Hunk added. “Two lions are better than none.” 

Pidge raised her hand. “Also, if the Galra do attack, I really should be here to hack--”

“Enough.” Thace’s eye was twitching. “Allura will stay here to guard the castle. The rest of you will come with me to get the Teladuv Lenses.”

Everyone’s shoulders slumped forward. 

“Ah! Excellent. Let me just grab out pirate costumes and we’ll be on our way.”

The Garrison trio groaned. 

“What is he talking about ‘pirate costumes’?” Thace asked. 

“Apparently back in the day it wasn’t a space mall but like some sort of secret pirate swap place,” Lance explained. 

“He thinks it still is and wants us to blend in,” Hunk added. 

“Tada!” Coran dropped an armful of clothes in front of the paladins. “I don’t have anything big enough for you or Ulaz, but we’ll make do.” 

Ulaz picked up a scarf and made a face of disgust. “Coran, that place hasn’t been a hang out for pirates in at least a hundred deca-phoebs.”

“For Stars sake I’ve got a cousin that’s fifteen who works there,” Thace said.

“And they won’t recognize you?” Lance asked, letting Coran pile clothing on him. “Aren’t you supposed to be dead or something?” 

Thace shrugged. “She works at the Biju Store and I know there are no teladuv lenses there, so no one has any reason to go in there.” 

Hunk noticed the way Keith’s eyes lit up when Thace mentioned the Biju Store. He was going to ask what it was, but Thace managed to stop Coran from dressing them up more and ushered them all into a small craft. 

oOoOoOo

They stood at the entrance to the store looking down at the parents pushing their children around, what looked like teen galras hanging out, and some elderly people shuffling along. It was just a normal day in the space mall. 

Thace took out his data pad. “Now then, each of you will take a section of the mall and begin looking for teladuv lenses. As I stated before, you each will have 100 GAC to spend, if it’s not enough or if you’re not sure, message myself, Ulaz, or Coran and we will come and assist you.” 

He handed out a list of stores. “To make this process go more efficiently, I’ve taken the liberty of places you can avoid. Hunk, stay away from the food court. Vrepit Sal’s does not need your help.” 

The list was very long and just from what Hunk had experienced, they were the stores that looked to be the most fun. 

“We will spend a varga searching and convene here a 0900. If we have not found the teladuv lenses yet, we will mark off which stores we have and have not been to and once again go out to look for another varga.”

Shiro’s eyes were glazing over and Keith looked like he would rather be anywhere but here. Even Ulaz didn’t seem to be paying attention. 

“Now then, Shiro, you take section A. Pidge you take section B, Lance is section C, Hunk is section D.” 

Hunk stopped listening after that. He didn’t know why Thace was separating out the mall into sections, he had no idea what Section D consisted of. And as for checking off which stores he had been to, he couldn’t read Galra so it wasn’t like he knew where he was going. 

“Alright. Any questions?” Thace asked. 

“No.” Came the unanimous, unenthusiastic reply, except for Coran, who was looking very happy to be here again (Thace hadn’t managed to convince him to take off the stupid pirate costume). 

“Right. One varga, meet back here.” Thace turned and walked away. He paused and pointed a finger at them. “Everyone stay out of trouble.” He continued walking away. 

Shiro had gone over to Ulaz and they were discussing something quietly. Hunk was about to ask where the heck Section D was supposed to be when he saw Keith hurry off in a direction. 

“Do you think he knows where his section is?” Pidge asked. 

“I don’t know, maybe.” Lance shoved in between them and watched him go.

“If he does, we should catch him. I have no idea what is what. I’ve never seen this place laid out in sections!” Hunk said. 

They all looked at Shiro and Ulaz, who were now joined by Coran and then decided to go after Keith. They didn’t need to interrupt what was perhaps a very serious conversation between their leader, their doctor, and Coran. 

They ran to catch up to Keith who went immediately into a brightly colored store. 

“What’s he doing? I think this is one of the stores on Thace’s banned list.” Pidge held up the paper and attempted to match the symbols.

“He also went straight for it, which is weird.” Lance stroked his chin. “It’s almost like he knew exactly where he was going. Let’s confront him.”

Hunk grabbed Pidge and Lance’s collars, pulling them back before they could make their way into the store. “Guys! We could get in trouble.”

“From who?” Lance said. 

“Thace.” 

Pidge snorted. “Are you really afraid of Thace? What’s he going to do?”

“Make us do push-ups.” Hunk crossed his arms and stared at his friends. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to chase after Keith. Let’s just look for the lenses and if we have enough time, maybe we can go to the Earth store.”

“Hunk? Lance? Pidge?” Keith rounded the corner of one of the shelving units and walked to the front. “What are you guys doing here?” He narrowed his eyes.

Lance leapt back and rubbed the back of his head. “Well, you see, we were just--”

“Were you following me?” Keith narrowed his eyes even more. 

Hunk felt his anxiety swell up in his stomach. Keith was a bit scary. He was good at fighting and had the skills of someone who had been surviving for far too long. He was like a shark. Oh, no, wait, like a lion! Yes, that metaphor fit much better, since, you know, they all piloted lions.

“Yeah? So? What are you going to do about it?” Pidge pushed her way in front and stared him down. 

Keith seemed taken aback but shook it off. “Why were you guys following me?” 

“Look, man, we just wanted to know where our sections are,” Hunk said. “We didn’t mean to be all super sneaky and everything.” 

“Oh, I don’t know.” Keith turned and went back into the store. 

Lance chased after him. “What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”

“I’ve never heard of this place being set up in sections. Honestly, I don’t even know what mine is.” 

“So then, why are you here?” Pidge asked also following him into the store. 

Hunk spent a few more minutes in anxiety before chasing after them. He didn’t want to get in trouble with Thace, but he was also curious. Most of these stores were a bit of a mystery to him since he couldn’t read Galra. And even if he could, he didn’t know what anything was. It could be useful to have Keith as a guide. 

“This is the Biju Store.” Keith said, as if that explained everything. 

“The place where Thace’s cousin works?” Hunk asked. 

“Um, yeah, I guess, but I don’t care about that. I want to see if they have Leelst Berry Dust.” 

“What’s Leelst Berry Dust?” 

Keith’s eyes glazed over in what appeared to be an absolute state of bliss and his mouth started to actually water. “Just the best thing ever! It’s these little packets of powder that you stick a spoon in and eat.”

“Oh, like Fun Dip.” Hunk said.

“What’s fun dip?”

“It’s like a candy.” Lance explained. “So wait, is this place like a candy store or something?” 

Keith laughed. “Yeah! That’s exactly what it is.”

“And you’re going to use your 100 GAC to buy Leelst Berry Dust instead of teladuv lenses?” 

“Yep.” Keith paused in front of a display full of neon colors and weird looking animals. It looked like one of those old Lisa Frank drawings, which was strange considering this was Keith they were talking about and he seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn’t buy candy, and definitely wouldn’t buy Lisa Frank neon colored candy. 

“I’ve never had this much money, and Shiro never lets me buy this stuff.” He pulled a few packets off the shelf and placed them in the basket. “But I thought the government banned it.” He added as an afterthought.

“What? Why would the government ban it?” Hunk asked, picking up another little packet and examining it. He had no idea what it said, but he was curious to try it. 

“I dunno. They hate fun?” 

Lance pushed Hunk aside. “Yeah, that’s great, buddy. Say, if I gave you my 100 GAC, do you think you could buy me a bunch of different stuff?” 

“Lance!” Hunk hissed. 

“Hunk, buddy, I love you and your adherence to the rules have kept me from a lot of dangerous situations, but I haven’t had candy in so long and I am dying to try some.” Lance slung an arm over Keith’s shoulders. “Besides, we have someone here who actually knows what this stuff is and can get us the goods.” 

Pidge handed Keith her card. “Count me in! What was the chocolate flavored stuff?”

“Bursy berry?” 

“Yeah, get me something flavored like that.” 

Keith grinned and took the card. Hunk had a brief moment where he wanted to take everyone’s cards and take control of the situation. Then he saw a display of what looked like salt water taffy and he loved salt water taffy and he really wanted salt water taffy. 

He handed Keith the card. “Go nuts man.” 

Keith’s face slip into a grin and he handed them each a basket. “Pidge, you take the front right, Lance you take the front left. Hunk you take the bottom right and I’ll take the bottom left. Get four of everything. Let’s go!” 

oOoOoOo

Shiro was left utterly confused by Thace’s instructions. Since when was the space mall separated into sections? He understood that Thace wanted them to cover as much ground as possible as quickly as possible, but a map of what Thace deemed as “section A” would have been nice.

He saw Ulaz and decided that if anyone knew what was going on, it’d be him. 

“Hey, Ulaz?” Shiro walked up to him before the man got too far.

“Yes?” He looked a little nervous. Maybe being in Galra controlled space was a bit nerve racking for him, especially considering how much of a wanted criminal he was. 

“Do you have any idea where section A is?” 

His brow furrowed. “What?” 

“Section A, the section Thace assigned to me.” 

“Ah, yes, right.” Ulaz nodded and then his smile dropped. “I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t really listening.” 

“But he’s your--”

“Mate, I know, but whenever he starts talking strategy, especially in circumstances like these, I kind of just, ignore him.” 

Shiro’s brow furrowed. “So, then, where were you going?” 

Ulaz glanced around still looking a little nervous. “Promise you won’t tell Thace.” 

“I don’t feel like that’s a promise I can make, especially if it concerns your relationship.” 

Ulaz waved a hand at him. “It doesn’t affect our relationship. I just want to spend at least a little bit relaxing. I mean, We’re going to stay here until we find the lenses anyways, so I figure I’d spend the first varga doing what I want and then Thace will either find them or we’ll have to look in the second varga, might as well have some fun now.” 

Shiro perked up at that. He was in agreement with Ulaz. This whole trip was supposed to be fun, to let everyone let loose for once in the midst of all this chaos and talk of war and battle. 

“I completely agree. Where were you planning on going?” 

Ulaz once again looked a little nervous. “Chinco’s,” he said. 

“Isn’t that the little place on the bottom level.” 

“Yes, and they make some of the best mixed drinks--”

“Wait, a bar?” Shiro didn’t know there were any bars in the space mall. 

“Shiro, I’m almost forty, I can drink if I want.” 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I would love to go to a bar. Is Chinco’s any good?” 

“Wait, did you say Chinco’s?” Coran asked joining the conversation. 

Ulaz and Shiro both flinched, afraid the man would disprove of their plans for the afternoon. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I love Chinco’s! Back in the day, it was the best place to barter. Always easier to haggle when the seller’s drunk.” Coran clapped Shiro on the shoulder and Ulaz on the back and steered them away from the entrance. 

“Shiro, have you ever had any alcohol before?” Ulaz asked as they entered into the dimly lit room. Shiro was a little worried about the fact that they didn’t ask for I.D. Then again, he didn’t know what the legal drinking age in the Galra empire was. 

“Yeah, but not very often. I’m worried that it might not react well with my, um, biology. Plus I didn’t want to be hungover and have to keep track of Keith.” 

Ulaz motioned for the bartender. “Hung over?” 

“Like when you drink too much and you get sick and a headache.” 

“Oh, that’s not fun at all,” Coran shook his head. “It feels like you’re dying and what’s worse is there’s no real cure, you just have to wait it out.”

The bartender brought over three tall glass of what looked like Ecto Cooler, but a little less opaque. They each took a glass. 

“So, Shiro, what do you say to your drinking companions before you down your drinks?” Ulaz asked, swirling the liquid in his glass. 

“Hmm, it varies place to place. In English, you usually say ‘cheers’. In Japanese, which is what my parents were, you say ‘kanpai’.” 

Coran held up his glass. “Well, then, Kanpai!” 

They clinked and Shiro watched Ulaz and Coran down the alcohol in one shot before quickly following their example. It burned the back of his throat, but tasted a bit fruity. Almost like a watered-down, melted blue raspberry jolly rancher. Another round of drinks appeared before them. 

Ulaz downed another one. “You know what the problem with Thace is?” 

“What?” Shiro asked. He pointed to something on the drinks menu and the bartender brought over something that looked more like a traditional beer. “Do I sip this one or shoot it?” 

“Sip,” Ulaz said. “He’s just so… not spontaneous. Everything is always plan, plan, plan, plan, plan. And, I mean, I get it, that’s his job and his personality. And it’s not like this was a shock. I knew him for almost ten deco-phoebs before we got together and another five before we bonded.” 

“How long have you guys been bonded?” Shiro asked. The alien beer he got tasted bitter and he didn’t like it as much as the shots, but he also didn’t want to get blackout drunk. That was not the right example to set for Keith and the other kids. 

“Only about a deca-phoeb.” 

“Oh, so not long at all!” Coran exclaimed. He had gotten what looked to be a neon blue martini and was also sipping it. 

“No, but I’ve known him for a very long time. This planning, it’s not like it doesn’t come out of nowhere. But, like, I don’t know, I wish he would let loose once in awhile. He schedules when we have sex for crying out loud!” He took another shot. 

Shiro probably would have been embarrassed to discuss such an… intimate topic with Ulaz, but the alcohol was starting to get to him and it was just sex. He knew the two had it, it wasn’t like this was some big revelation. 

“Don’t get me wrong, often I’m grateful because we both can get so busy it doesn’t happen, but what if I want to have it at nine and not at ten? It’s just so… rigid.” Ulaz sighed and slumped over the table. “Then I feel guilty because I love him so I should love all of him, but it’s this one piece of him that I don’t really love so does that make me a bad person?” 

Coran downed the rest of the martini and put a hand on Ulaz’s shoulder. “Of course not. I’m sure he has something about you that he doesn’t like.” 

“He hates how little I plan.” 

Shiro laughed and got another thing off the menu. It was the blue martini Coran had had earlier. “There you go, you guys compliment each other.”

“No relationship is perfect because no person is perfect.” Coran said. “Are you trying to change him?” 

Ulaz shook his head. 

“Then there you go.” Coran took another neon green shot. 

“How about you, Coran? Were you ever in a relationship?” 

Coran shook his head. “No, no one ever really caught my eye. At the time I was a bit sad, but now I’m happy. It would have been too much to lose my friends and family. I don’t think I could stand losing a wife or child as well.” He took a long drink and set it down. “But enough about me, what about you?”

Shiro felt both pairs of eyes on him and took another sip. “Um, I mean, I’ve never been in a serious relationship. It’s a bit difficult when you’re in a prison and then constantly on the run.” 

“That is tough.” Ulaz nodded. 

“But I have been with a few people.” Shiro felt weird about using the phrase ‘been with’. Like he was too much of a child to admit that he had had sex. Then again, his parents were very clear that premarital sex was a one-way ticket to hell and Shiro was sure his own sexuality would not have helped the situation any. 

“Ooh, do tell.” Ulaz leaned closer. 

“There’s not really much to tell. I didn’t want to be bringing strange people back to the ship, especially with Keith there and after a few bad experiences, I decided I was better off just not having it.”

“Bad experiences how?” Coran asked. 

Shiro felt his face grow red. “Well, you guys know that I was raised on Earth so I don’t, know, a lot, about alien species. Particularly their, um, genitals, and also how they mate.” Shiro took another drink and felt the alcohol give him courage. 

“I would see how that could be a problem.” Ulaz nodded solemnly. “Most species are relatively safe, but there are a few who, um eat their mates.” 

“Yep, that’s what I was afraid of. Anyways, the first few times were a bit, weird. I didn’t know that Avewaens had tentacles, so that was a nice surprise.” 

“That would be a surprise,” Coran laughed. 

“The time that I finally decided to swear off sex all together, however, was when I met a Dra.” 

Ulaz leaned in. “Now this I got to hear.”

“So I’m out and I see this Dra that looks hot.”

“How would you know their temperature?” Coran asked.

“It’s an Earth expression. It means attractive. Anyways, so we get to talking and I invite them back to my ship and we start undressing. I take off their pants, and they’ve got these razor sharp teeth just lining everything.” 

Ulaz banged a fist on the table. “Oh, they must have been in their female stage of their life cycle!” He exclaimed. “What color was their skin?” 

“Like a green-blue type color.” 

“Dropping eggs as well.” He nodded like it had confirmed a long held suspicion.

Shiro paled. “It’s a good thing we didn’t have penetrative sex then. I don’t think I could handle being a father. I can barely handle Keith.”

Coran laughed and clapped him on the back. “Good for you, my boy. What happened next?”

“Well, nothing really. They were super nice about the whole thing and we just got each other off with our fingers. Apparently male Dra can regrow their… um… “

“You can say penis, Shiro. I’m a doctor.”

“I’m also a male, I know all the parts.” Coran proclaimed, loudly.

“Yeah, well, anyways, they were understanding and we got each other off without me losing any more… parts. After that, though I just decided it was a bit too dangerous to keep going and haven’t been with anyone since.” 

Coran clapped Ulaz on the back. “It looks like you’re the only one who’s getting any action.” 

Ulaz laughed and nudged him back. “Well now that we’re here, we can start setting Shiro up with people.” 

Shiro laughed and downed another glass. “Thanks guys. You know, this has been really fun. I like Keith and everything, but I don’t want to talk to him about certain things. It’s nice not having to censor myself or worry about setting a bad example.” 

Another round of green shots was delivered and they clinked their glasses together. 

“Kanpai!” 

oOoOoOo

Keith dumped all four baskets of candy onto the table. The cashier popped what appeared to be gum and stared at it. 

“Paper or plastic?” she asked as she began to scan the candy. 

“Um, paper?” 

The paladins watched with watering mouths as the cashier mindlessly scanned the items, putting them into the basket. 

When she got to the Leelst Berry Dust, she paused. “Due to new government laws, you have to be eighteen or older to purchase these.”

“Jesus, dude, what is in those things?” Lance hissed. 

Keith puffed out his chest. “I am eighteen.” 

“Do you have any form of I.D.?” Her voice was monotonous and she popped another bubble. 

Keith deflated. “Um…”

“Whatever. I don’t get paid enough to care.” She scanned the rest of the Leelst Berry Dust. “Your total is three hundred and sixteen GAC.” 

Keith handed over the cards and she scanned them, disposing of the ones that had been completely used and handing Keith back the one that hadn’t been completely used. 

“Thank you for shopping at Biju Store. Have a Biju Biju day.” She didn’t sound remotely enthusiastic. 

“Yeah, thanks!” Lance called as each paladin grabbed a bag and ran out the door. 

They found a relatively secluded section next to the fountain and dumped their haul onto the ground. 

“What should we try first?” Pidge said, digging through a pile of sweets. 

Keith picked out a few treats and set them aside. 

“Hey? What are you doing?” Lance said. 

“These are Shiro’s favorites. I kind of feel bad for leaving him out of this.” 

“What about spending all of Thace’s money?” 

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know what he likes. Here, let’s start with these.” He handed out little single serve gummies shaped like oversized Mike N' Ikes. 

“You don’t want the Leelst Berry Dust?” Hunk asked. 

“No, I’ll do that after these, but these are kind of fun.” 

They popped the candies into their mouths. 

Pidge shrieked a little when she realized it had started bubbling and fizzing in her mouth. Lance giggled and started chewing the gummy. It tasted a bit like a chocolate covered strawberry, but in gummy form. It was good, but also weird. The fizzing was also kind of weird. 

“Wow, that was awesome!” Hunk exclaimed. “The texture was off putting, but it tasted great.” 

Keith pulled out the packets of Leelst Berry Dust and handed them out. “Yeah, those are best eaten fresh, but the rest of this stuff we can pretty much eat whenever we want.” 

Hunk peeled off a corner and looked at the dust inside. It looked like glitter, and the little stick in there looked like a pretzel. 

“Hey, Keith, are you sure you don’t know why these weren’t taken off the market?” Hunk asked.

Keith shrugged, forgoing the stick and just pouring the dust straight in his mouth. 

Hunk figured that it couldn’t be too bad if it hadn’t killed Keith yet. He poured the powder in his mouth. It tasted...weird. He couldn’t really pin down the flavor. It was both fruity, and not. It was chocolatey, but lacked chocolate flavor when Hunk really thought about it. It was sweet and sour and salty. It was a combination that shouldn’t have worked, but it did. And it was delicious. 

“Holy crap.” Pidge’s voice was one of an irreverent whisper. “I don’t know what this is, but this is good.” 

Keith opened up another packet and emptied it into his mouth. “I told you.” 

“Why wouldn’t Shiro let you get this?” Lance asked, grabbing another packet. “And why would the Galra empire try and ban it?” 

“Because they hate all that is good with the world.” Pidge said, also digging into another packet. 

“I don’t remember why Shiro told me he didn’t want me eating this stuff.” 

They all polished off another packet and sat around for a moment, feeling content with themselves. 

“Hey, why don’t we go put the rest of this stuff in the ship?” Pidge asked, scooping up the sweets and putting in the bag.

“Yeah, we really should pace ourselves. We don’t know when the next time we’re going to get a chance to buy this.” Hunk took a bag and started walking towards the entrance. 

They put the bags in the ship and nodded to themselves. Yes, they were being responsible. Thace would be proud. 

“Last one to the fountain has to clean out the pods!” Lance streaked across the garage and back to the entrance. 

“Hey, no fair!” Pidge lunged after him, followed closely by Keith and Hunk. “All of you have longer legs than me!” 

Keith overtook her and Hunk was right behind her. They skidded around the corner, causing angry parents to shriek and shake their fists at them. 

They finally made it into the fountain. Lance tapped it first. “Ha! I win!” 

Keith quickly tackled him into the fountain and Pidge and Hunk quickly followed. 

Keith gasped. “Change! I forgot about the change!” Water was dripping from his hair and clothes. 

“Yeah, we can get so much more Leelst Berry Dust with this!” Pidge started stuffing her pockets full of change and the other paladins followed. 

“Hey, what are you kids doing in there?” 

“It’s Varkon!” Hunk cried, leaping out of the fountain. 

“Let’s outrun his scooter!” Keith leapt out of the fountain and started running, leaving puddles of water on the floor. 

“Quick, let’s climb up these flags!” Pidge scampered up one of the cloth banners. 

Keith and Lance didn’t hear her, or didn’t care, and they continued running. They got to the escalators and started sprinting up the down escalator. 

“I’ll beat you, Mullet!” 

“In your dreams!” Keith managed to push Lance off, who luckily landed in a tree. 

“Cheater!” 

Keith laughed and leapt up over to the next floor. 

Varkon was so distracted by Keith, Lance and Pidge, that he didn’t even notice Hunk dive over the side of the railing and splashed back into the fountain.   
The splash got Varkon’s attention and he looked over. “Hey! Get back here!” He looked at the paladins, who were scattering in different directions. He threw up his hands and decided to go after Lance, who was the only one still on the same floor. 

“Every man for themselves!” Pidge said, finally getting to the top of the flag and hanging off of it. 

People were screaming as the paladins ran through the crowds, diving for cover as they tracked water and foliage all over the floor. 

oOoOoOo

Shiro slammed down another drink. “And it’s like, why?” He was starting to slur badly, his vision was going fuzzy and his entire body felt nice and warm. 

Ulaz was giggling and and leaning heavily on Coran’s shoulder. “Is nice. I like you guys.” 

“I love you to!” Coran wailed. 

Shiro looked at the clock above the bar. “Oh, shit, we have to,” he burped, “we have to meet Thace. Also, I really need to see Keith and tell him just how much I love him.” 

Ulaz stood up on shaky legs and stumbled a bit. “You don’t tell him that? Shiro!” He made a move to hit Shiro, but it ended up being more of a light tap.

“No, no.” Wait, what was Shiro disagreeing with? Oh, right. “No, I tell him that so much. Like so much, but he just doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t believe me.” He took a few more steps towards the front. “So I need to tell him that I love him and that I love him so much, and that I, and that I’m proud of him. He’s the best brother ever and I love him.” 

Coran and other Coran was by his side. 

“Wait, when’d there get two of you?” 

Coran laughed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. But we need to tell all of the paladins that they’re fantastic.”

Ulaz picked up another glass. “Yeah! They are all wonderful. Kanpai!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Shiro was getting a feeling that he needed to make a big speech to help the kids. “I mean, Keith’s gotten so big. And Pidge is like a super genius hacker...person. And Hunk is nice.” 

“And an excellent cook!” Ulaz said, shuffling forward. 

“Let’s not forget Lance,” Coran piped up. 

Shiro’s eyes widened. “Yeah! Lance! He’s like, so good with a gun! And he’s smart and he makes good plans.” 

Shiro lurched forward and stumbled into another patron. 

The patron stiffened and turned around. He was a scaly looking thing that looked vaguely like Godzilla, if Godzilla joined a motorcycle gang. The thought of Godzilla wearing a skull bandana and wearing leather while riding a Harley made Shiro laugh. 

“Is something funny, punk?” The man spat, raising to his full height, which was about ten feet tall. 

“You look like godzilla.” Shiro slurred. 

Ulaz giggled some more. “We were just leaving.” They turned to walk out the bar only to have a hand reach out and grab Shiro’s shoulder. 

“I wasn’t done talking!” The man snarled. “You need to apologize.” 

Shiro stared up at him, blinking. “What?” 

“We don’t have to apologize for anything!” Coran said. “Besides, like we have to apologize to a smelly, rapscallion like you!” 

The bar went quiet. Motorcycle godzilla’s friends stood up. 

“Hey, you’re all tall.” Shiro said. 

“That’s it!” 

Ulaz let go of Shiro at that moment, who bent over. It was lucky that he did because had he still been standing up, he would have been punched in the face. 

“Hey! Don’t jus punch us!” Ulaz slurred. He picked up a bottle and smashed it over the patron’s head. 

Biker Godzilla turned to hit him but Shiro managed to leap up onto his back and wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him to the ground in a move that no doubt would have made Thace proud. 

After that, things got fuzzy, very fuzzy. It seemed like the entire bar had separated into two teams and was fighting against one another, with Shiro, Ulaz, and Coran leading the better team and biker Godzilla leading the sucky team. 

Bottle were smashed and chairs were thrown. The bar keeper was attempting to gain control of the situation, but honestly, Shiro didn’t care. He would beat up biker Godzilla and his stupid biker friends. 

Another punch managed to hit him square in the face, and he blacked out. 

oOoOoOo

Thace had found the teladuv lenses in a small store nestled in the back corner of the second floor. It was a store that was filled with junk and the seller didn’t seem to know what the teladuv lenses were, so Thace got them at a steal of fifty GAC. 

He looked up at the large clock that hovered over the courtyard and sighed. It had been about a varga since they had shown up so everyone should be meeting at the entrance soon. Then they could get back to the Castle without any worries or… what was that sound? 

It sounded like… shrieking. 

Thace’s ears swiveled to try and find the source of it. His eyes landed on one of the Empire Banners that hung from the ceiling. 

“Pidge!” He sprinted over to where she was hanging off the side of the banner, screeching and shrieking loudly and drawing a crowd to her. 

He pushed his way through. “Pidge! Get down here this instant!” 

Pidge looked down and locked eyes with Thace. “Give me liberty, or give me death!” She shouted, rocking the banner back and forth. 

“Can you not control your child?” A mother with a small baby asked, her face wrinkling in disgust. 

“I, you know what, I don’t have time to argue with you.” He turned back to the banner. How was he going to get her down? Also, what the hell was she doing up there? 

“You’ll never take me alive!” He heard Keith before he saw him. 

Thace had a heart attack as he turned and saw Keith running from Varkon. He vaulted over the banner and leapt onto the banner. 

“Why are you not wearing a shirt?” Thace felt tears gathering in his eyes. This was supposed to be a simple trip to the space mall and now two of his paladins were acting like they were drugged. 

Keith latching onto the banner caused it to shake just enough that Pidge lost her grip and fall down. 

“Fuck!” Thace shouted, diving to catch her before she cracked her head on the floor. Ulaz was a fantastic doctor, but even he couldn’t put a brain back together. 

She fell into his arms and immediately tried to get out of them. 

“Death! Death before dishonor!” She cried. 

Thace managed to grasp her around her waist and keep her with him, but she was a slippery thing and managed to get out of his arms and sprinted away. He looked between Keith, who was singing some weird version of the Empire’s Anthem and swinging back and forth on the banner, and Pidge who was crashing into people and screaming something about dishonor on a… cow? 

He decided to stay with Keith because now that Pidge was on the ground, she was less likely to kill herself. 

“Hey! Give that back!” 

Thace didn’t even want to look at what was going on with Varkon, but he did. His greatest fears were confirmed. Hunk had gotten the scooter and was now flying through the mall. 

“No!” Thace was well and truly panicking now. 

“Keith, hop on!” he shouted, sailing over the railing and grabbing ahold of Keith’s hand. 

“Victory is ours you mother fuckers!” Keith did the whole middle finger thing on both hands, which Shiro had described as being quite the insult on Earth and he and Hunk went speeding off through the mall. 

“Fuck.” The mother next to Thace looked even more scandalized. He took off after them. How the hell did Hunk manage to get the scooter to go so fast? It was a scooter!

Luckily for him, Keith managed to snag Pidge around the waist and pull her up on the scooter. 

“Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your cow!” Pidge was pointing to random victims and Thace could swear she was foaming at the mouth. 

Keith leaned over and grabbed some cloth off the floor, which Thace recognized as being his shirt and jacket. He did not, however, put them on. Instead opting to spin them over his head, still singing the Empire’s anthem. 

Lance came out of the Earth store, pulling behind him a large and definitely alive animal. 

“Hey guys, look! I got a free cow!” 

Thace let out a cry as Pidge grabbed the “cow’s” reins and pulled it behind them. Lance managed to swing himself on and was whooping and hollering as they zoomed down the hall. 

“Get back here! Stop!” Thace called. Thank the stars he did all those running drills because he had long since lost Varkon and was starting to get a little tired. 

“To the haters, the takers, the liars, and all the vultures and the bottom feeding scum!” Pidge started… well, it wasn’t really singing, but it wasn’t really yelling as well. 

They skidded around another corner. Thace had to think of this like any other battle what would he do in any other situation. 

“I choose death before dishonor! I’d rather die than live down on my knees!” Pidge kept screech-singing. 

He’d have to corner them, and them maybe pin them down one by one. No, he’d probably have to catch them one by one and just take them to the ship.   
Pidge actually started making these very guttural screeches and for a moment, she sounded possessed. 

“What the fuck?” 

They rounded another corner and Hunk actually drove the scooter down the up escalator. Thace took this chance to leap over the banister, landing softly below them. He didn’t catch them, though. The Paladins zoomed forward and Keith grabbed the bottom of the banner again. This time, after being used to support both Keith and Pidge, the banner ripped from the hinges and came crashing down. Everyone was screaming as the paladins all seemed to crash and get tangled up in the material. 

Thace heard Varkon running towards them and needed to get the paladins out of there, now! He quickly grabbed the ends of the banner and pulled them down the hallway and back towards the garage, scooter, cow, and all. They were still making very worrying screams and statements. At one point Keith started repeating the phrase ‘live free or die’ in several different languages and from what Thace could tell, Lance was saying that he was coming out of his cage and doing just fine. 

Pidge was still screech-singing, intercutting the verses and chorus occasionally with just plain old screaming. He’d have to have Ulaz take a look at them and make sure it wasn’t one of Haggar’s plots. 

He opened the door to the ship and threw them in. HIs eyes fell on a few bags in the corner. HIs heart sped up. They could be potential bombs. They certainly weren’t there when they were at the castle. The kids had finally stopped screaming and singing, but Thace wasn’t done yet. He crept forward to the bags, praying it wasn’t a bomb. He gingerly pulled one open and.... 

Candy. Fucking candy. There were about seven bags filled to brim with candy. He recognized the Biju Store’s logo on the side. His eyes fell on a little package crumpled on top of the candy supply. 

He picked it up and banged his head into the wall a few times. Leelst berry dust. The kids had ingested Leelst Berry Dust. A few deca-phoebs ago the government had outlawed it because it was known to cause hyperactivity, especially in children. The candy stores threw a fit because they had a bunch of surplus stock so the law was changed to those eighteen years of age or older could purchase it. They had bought candy with the money Thace had given them for the teladuv lenses. 

He shook his head, glad that they didn’t have to continue searching. 

“Laz, Shiro, Coran, I found the teladuv lenses, meet me in the ship.” 

No response. 

“Laz, Shiro, Coran, what is your location?” 

Still no response. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. What is happening?” Thace growled. On top of dealing with hyperactive children, who he now realized, after the chase, were part of a climbing and persistent predator species, he now had to track down his trigger happy mate, a man who he didn’t know very well, and a man who, when confronted with about two dozen sentries, screamed ‘catch these hands motherfuckers’ and launched himself at them. 

He secured the paladins, he did not need them to get out and cause more havoc, and went to find the three missing adults. 

“At least their older and won’t cause as much trouble.” He grumbled. He didn’t get very far into the space mall when he heard familiar shouts and yells coming from Chinco’s. 

He paused and clenched his fist. “Ulaz, I swear to god, that better not be you.” 

He walked up to the bar and almost got to the bar when Shiro, Ulaz, and Coran, as well as about a dozen other patrons came flailing out. 

“And stay out!” The barkeeper shouted. 

Every person was beaten and bloody, covered in bruises. Thace groaned and pinched his brow. “I am going to murder you all,” he said.

Ulaz spotted him and untangled himself from the mass of bodies on the floor. “Thace! My love!” He was slurring and stumbling heavily. He fell forward and wrapped his arms around Thace’s neck. He giggled. “We were talking bout you.” 

“Come on, Ulaz, we need to go.” 

Ulaz didn’t seem to be listening and instead pulled him down for a kiss. He tasted like blood and reeked of alcohol. “Mm, we were talking bout how much I love you, even if you do plan too much.” 

Thace managed to maneuver Ulaz to his back so he could pull Coran and Shiro out of the body pile. He shifted Ulaz put Coran under one arm and Shiro under the other and started stumbling back to the ship before Varkon could show up. 

“I would leave you all here, but the Empire would execute you immediately so you’re coming back to the castle.” 

“Yeah!” Shiro said. “I need to tell Keith how much I love him. And Pidge how much she, um, she hacks. And Hunk how much he cooks, and Lance how much he shoots!” 

“Puns are funny,” Coran slurred, not even caring that his toes were being dragged on the ground.

Thace noticed the wanted posters for the mall had been updated and sighed upon seeing all of the paladins, Coran, and Ulaz had been put at the top of the list. Looks like they weren’t going back to the space mall any time soon. 

He threw them all in the back with the kids, who had now crashed and were sleeping. He thought about leaving the cow, but decided not to. It was too much trouble to get the thing back to the Earth Store. Besides, he didn’t want any of those thugs that had gotten in a fight with Ulaz, Coran, and Shiro to come looking. 

oOoOoOo

“What happened?” Allura asked as Thace tossed the kids on the ground in the green lion’s hangar. 

“They didn’t listen to me.” He growled.

“So you knocked them unconcious?” Her eyes were narrowed and she was looking for a fight. 

“No, these three are drunk off their asses. And these four are experiencing a sugar crash.” He handed her the bag of lenses. “We’ll have to replace them tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” 

“You’re just going to leave them here?” 

Thace stopped and turned to her. “I had to chase these people all over the space mall and avoid Varkon so that they wouldn’t get turned into the Empire. I’m not really feeling charitable at the moment.” 

Allura opened her mouth to argue, and then closed it. Thace waved to her and went to his room. He’d deal with this in the morning.

oOoOoOo

When Thace got down to the Green Lion’s hangar the next morning, the only one who had moved was the cow. Everyone was still sprawled out asleep. 

“Oh, good, Thace,” Allura came up behind him. “Are you going to wake them up.” 

He lifted up two pots. “Yep.” 

Everyone screeched and jumped as the sound of clanging pots echoed throughout the room. 

“What the fuck?” Keith said. 

“Language,” Shiro managed to groan. It was undercut a moment later when he said, “fuck, my head.” 

“Thace, love, what are you doing?” Ulaz groaned, sitting up and squinting. “And why’s it so bright in here?” 

“Don’t Thace, love, me,” He growled. 

Everyone sat up and stared at him blearily. 

Thace was beyond pissed. They had completely disobeyed orders and had made a complete mess of the space mall. And he intended to let them know. 

“I am extremely angry with all of you. I am beyond disappointed with how you conducted yourselves and I cannot believe that all of you were that irresponsible in enemy territory.” 

They all stared at the ground.

“I trusted you all to act with some amount of responsibility and dignity and what happened at the Space Mall was inexcusable. This is a war we’re in, we can’t afford to be sloppy like you were. You have all betrayed my trust.” 

“Thace, I like you, I really do,” Lance said, rubbing his head, “but back off, seriously.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Look, I know that you were trained as a super badass super soldier and you are very good at what you do, but for God’s sake, we’re just kids. Pidge, Hunk, and I, we had a life on Earth before this all happened, a life that all of us have given up to be here.” 

Pidge nodded. “Yeah. I get what you’re getting at, but I’m fifteen. I just wanted to have some fun and not worry about this war for once since this whole thing started.” She wiped away some tears and Thace felt a twinge of guilt. 

“I agree with them,” Shiro said. “Keith and I, we’ve been running for so long and fighting, not just the galra. There’s bounty hunters, pirates, other scavengers.” He looked over at Keith and his own eyes seemed to be conveying an overwhelming amount of sadness. “I tried so hard to keep us safe, but a lot of times we had to choose. There were days, sometimes even weeks where we went without food.” 

“And all the times we ran out of fuel and just, sort of, floated until someone came and picked us up,” Keith added quietly. 

“I know we’re in a war and I know we can’t take a lot of time to have fun,” Shiro continued. “But I just wanted to have some fun, to not worry for once about when our next meal was or trying to decide between fuel and water.”

And Thace was feeling even worse now. He had failed to see other potential benefits to having a fun outing at the space mall. 

He felt a hand on his face and he turned to look at Ulaz. “Thace, we’ve been together for over a phoeb now, together every day, and I still feel like we haven’t done anything together. When you were undercover in the Empire I worried every moment that I would get news that you had been found out and were dead, or worse.”

He looked down, his own eyes shiny with tears. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. Like the others have said, I didn’t want it to be work related or war effort related. I just wanted to be with you and be happy about the fact that I didn’t have to worry about you dying for once.” 

“I also feel like I haven’t done anything fun since I woke up,” Allura added quietly. “I know the universe has changed in ten thousand years, but I feel like I haven’t seen any of it. I miss being able to relax and not worry that everyone will die if I take even a tick off.” 

Alright, now Thace felt like an asshole. The way he was brought up, it was always mission first, personal stuff later. But the kids were right.

He pursed his lips and thought about how best to handle the situation now. They still committed perhaps thousand of GAC worth of property damage and technically stole his money, since he gave it to them with the purpose of buying teladuv lenses. 

Ulaz was nuzzling into his neck. The three from Earth had huddled together, looking worse for wear. Coran was comforting Allura and Shiro had his flesh arm around Keith’s shoulders. 

“Perhaps, you all have a point,” he said. “I want this war to be over as soon as possible because the fast it ends, the less lives will be lost. But in my pursuit of that goal, I have forgotten that you do need to take breaks.” 

Everyone perked up. 

“Really, so you’re not mad?” Pidge asked. 

Thace grimaced. “Um, no, I’m still pretty mad.” He remembered her screech singing. “And also a little worried about some of your mental states. However, I don’t think punishment is in order.” 

Everyone sighed with relief. 

“Thank you, Thace,” Shiro said. “Next time we go to the space mall, we’ll do better.”

Thace laughed. “Yeah, you’re never going back to the space mall.” 

They all started bombarding him with questions and complaints. 

“This one is actually out of my hands. You all created such a mess when you were there before that you are supposed to be immediately arrested should you ever set foot on the premises.” 

“Oh, man!” Lance groaned. “I wanted more of that Leelst Berry Dust.” 

Shiro froze. “What do you mean? Keith?”

“Um, well, they wanted to try it so I got some.” 

“Keith!” Shiro groaned. “You know you’re not supposed to eat that. It makes you go crazy.” 

“It does not.”

“Yes, it does. I have the videos,” Thace said. 

“I can’t believe they still sell that stuff. I was actually on the board that originally got it banned,” Ulaz said. 

“Wait, what happened to the rest of our candy?” Hunk asked. 

They looked at Thace, who shrugged. “I locked it away.” 

“Oh, come on, man!” Lance cried. 

“Yeah, can’t we have it!” Pidge added. 

“It’s way better than food goo and we only had like two different things,” Hunk said. 

Thace held up his hand. “I’m not going to give it to you guys all at once, there’s like three hundred GAC worth of candy that is currently clogging up my room.” 

They groaned, but made no more arguments. 

“Fine, but at least give Shiro the Cumber Pops.” Keith said. 

“You got Cumber Pops for me?” Shiro smiled. 

Keith opened his mouth to answer, but at that moment the ‘cow’ mooed rather loudly. 

Everyone turned to stare at the creature. 

“When’d we get a cow?” Lance asked. 

oOoOoOo

Later that night, Ulaz had finally recovered from his ‘hangover’ as Shiro called it. 

“I wouldn’t think humans would be so immune to alcohol,” he said as he dug through the mountains of candy the kids had bought, “but I think Shiro drank the most out of all of us.” 

Thace came out of the bathroom and kissed him on the cheek. “Yeah, I’m still putting a ban on alcohol. Nothing good ever happens when you drink.”

“If you say so. I can’t believe they bought and were going to eat all of this stuff.” Ulaz held up a handful of gummy planets. 

Thace smirked and swiped up a few other treats. “These ones aren’t really kid friendly.” He dangled the packages in front of Ulaz. 

He laughed. “I don’t think they knew what it was. It appears they were getting four or more of everything.” 

Thace looked at the package and then back at Ulaz. “Well, it would be a waste to get rid of them.” He leaned over and kissed him. 

Ulaz’s hands worked their way into his hair. They pulled back. “So you want to use them?” 

Thace grabbed him and lifted him over his shoulder, Ulaz laughed and smacked his back playfully. “Thace! Put me down, you’re going to hurt yourself.” 

“I’m not that old.” He dropped him on the bed and ripped the corner of the candy package, pouring a little bit on Ulaz’s bare chest. 

“Um, Thace, it isn’t ten yet.” 

Thace licked the sauce off. “So? Do we have to wait until ten?” 

Ulaz was about to make a smart remark, but where the sauce had landed was starting to tingle just a bit and who was he to stop Thace and question his schedule. “Not at all.” 

It was a good thing their room was set away from the children's.

**Author's Note:**

> Pidge seems like the kind of kid that would love Five Finger Death Punch.


End file.
